Newsem of the Week: US and Global News That Rhymes

Artist’s impression of Anzu wyliei. Image credit: Mark Klingler / Carnegie Museum of Natural History. From
Artist’s impression of Anzu wyliei. Image credit: Mark Klingler / Carnegie Museum of Natural History. From
Scientists have made a discovery both new and old:
A dinosaur species that humans had yet to behold.
They may have looked like lizards combined with birds,
Described by a paleontologist as “really bizarre, even by dinosaur standards.”

As those of us who have thawed can surely attest,
This year’s weather has left many of us depressed.
Not only has the cold left us feeling grumpy and bleak,
It has also made our economic recovery weak.

This may be uncouth, but I am not pained to say
That at age 84 Fred Phelps died the other day.
Phelps incited such hatred through his Westboro Baptist congregation,
That England once barred him from even entering the nation.

Police in Hawaii insist their undercover officers need
The prostitution law exemption that lets them do the deed.
Critics say that it’s unnecessary and can be abused,
And the police won’t say how often the provision is used.

According to the Deputy Director of the NSA,
They may release transparency reports someday.
But this news pales in the face of MYSTIC,
The program that records all of one country’s calls, no matter how quick.

In Turkey Prime Minister Erdogan is defending
His decision to ban Twitter, which the savvy are bending.
Turkey also saw a deadly crash between
A minibus and a passenger train.

Taliban gunmen attacked a popular Kabul hotel,
Prompting several observer missions’ staff to bid their farewell.
Though talks on US drone strikes were held this week,
The US boycotted, to international critique.

An attack on Israeli soldiers in the Golan Heights
Sparked Israeli airstrikes on Syrian military sites.
On another Syrian border Turkey shot down a military jet,
Though Syria claims it was not in Turkish airspace yet.

The hunt continues for Malaysia MH370,
And it is possible that search teams have found some debris.
Over two weeks have passed, but the search continues,
With 26 countries trying to find clues.

Crimea has become a confusing place-
Is it Russia? Ukraine? An uncategorized grey space?
Putin recognized Crimea’s shady secession referendum
And annexed the territory, leaving many feeling numb.

Russian personnel have seized Crimean military bases,
And folks are concerned they they will invade other places.
In response to this, Obama and the EU decided to impose
Economic sanctions on the Russian officials they oppose.

Italy’s coast was the site of some sort of good news:
Over 2,000 immigrants were rescued by navy, coast guard, and civilian crews.
The downside is the volume of illegal immigration by sea;
Last year over 20,000 tried to make it into Italy.

That does it for this week’s news update in rhyme,
So drop by and catch up when you have the time!

2 thoughts on “Newsem of the Week: US and Global News That Rhymes

    1. Wow, thanks for sharing that! I am surprised by how many flights are still missing, and how close to land a lot of them were last seen.

      Having recently watched all of the TV show Fringe, my immediate assumption is that the Malaysia plane is not sunk in the middle of the ocean, but has been relocated from our universe to another one. Or something equally plausible, like aliens. After looking at that map, there could be a whole population of disappeared plane passengers for all we know. I KNOW not to be an insane conspiracy theorist, I’m just saying … we don’t really what’s going on. And it’s a good thing I am no longer watching that show every day.

      As for Crimea, I am kind of awed that a few weeks ago I was writing about protests in Kiev, and now there is a new country (according to Russia). What I found really interesting to hear about was the situation that a lot of Ukrainian soldiers in Crimea found themselves in after the referendum, since according to a supposed majority, they were suddenly foreign (and perhaps hostile?) military personnel. I can’t imagine that.

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